Fund-Drainer

We’ve got a cause. It burns in our hearts at night like a fire, calling us to action as we toss and turn, and its name…is disco. That’s right: we’re a super freak. We’ve got Saturday night fever. We want to boogie-oogie all night long. We’re convinced that others out there feel the burn like we do, and we think—no, we know—that opening a disco club right here in town would be the best thing that ever happened to our city in the history of history. We’ve already got our eye on the perfect location; it’s an old restaurant that just needs to be renovated, but it could easily become the hippest, grooviest, most happenin’ disco dive this side of 1978. It’s gonna happen, we just know it.

There’s just one problem—we don’t have enough money. So, in a brilliant stroke of inspiration, we decide to hold fundraiser to raise capital for the renovation. We rent a local hall, hire a ‘70s cover band, and have the whole thing catered. A bunch of people show up to the event, and we’re sure we’ve raised enough to make our disco dreams come true. But then, afterwards, much to our dismay, we realize that the donations we received from the gala-goers didn’t even come close to the total we need for the renovation. Not only that, we didn’t even make enough to cover our expenses to put the dang thing on.

What we’ve managed to do is host a fund-drainer, which is the complete opposite of a fundraiser. A fund-drainer is an event that might have made money, but it didn’t because any potential profits were outweighed by the money we had to shell out for the venue, the staff, the band, those adorable embossed programs we had printed, etc. In other words, we spent more than we made. And that’s bad. Pretty much a complete fail.

Looks like our trip to boogie wonderland is going to have to wait.